After The Noise
Everything Is Equal
Friday 10 July 2026
Dan Coll – Try Try Try
Getting old is no fun. This very morning, I’ve noticed my eyesight has deteriorated to the extent I need an eye test ASAP. So, typing is a bit difficult, as I grapple with trying to read what I’m writing.
However, such shenanigans will not deter me from casting my beady (but wonky) eye over six new releases which hit Spotify today.
Dan Coll. Never heard of him. If he was a comedy character, he would be Tim nice but dim of Harry Enfield.
This is completely inoffensive in every way. All the notes in the correct place. The voice is thankfully vocoder free. The acoustics strum away. The drum thump crisply. I even had my ageing toes a tapping heartedly.
On the downside, it is ever so nice, but ever so boring. Often, everything in the right place ends up as dull as a posh female sports presenter. Nothing wrong with this. I’ve heard a lot worse, but there is something missing.
The components which make music thrilling as opposed to simply ok. Top marks for effort and not annoying me.
Nia Archives, Jorja Smith – Get Me Down
The moment I saw the video loop of two young scantily dressed females dancing badly, I knew I was going to hate this.
I swear that is an 808 State sample from Pacific. Which is probably a sample in itself.
Not as horrendous as I envisaged, the drums are very pleasing on the ear. Drum n bass still lives in the 21st Century.
I was expecting a long-winded over the top bio about Ms Archives but was pleasantly surprised when her bio just said “new gen junglist”. Whatever that means.
Top marks for the drums, which reminds a bit of Goldie or Roni Size at their peak. However, like Mr Coll, I find this dreadfully drab.
In a moment of madness, I decided to switch to the video. Which is just Archives and Smith prancing around being seductive.
Give me Jagger and Bowie dancing in the streets any day of the week.
Teddy Swims – Break Up In Reverse
Teddy Swims! I’ve heard of him. Never heard his music before despite being very successful in the UK.
Same idea as Coll. Everything in the right place. Start with acoustics, build up the song drop a bit in the middle before launching into a climax. Bores me immensely.
Maybe it’s because I come from a generation who loved Radiohead and U2 working with this format to much better effect.
However, I am very impressed with Mr Swims voice. The lad sure can sing! There is something X Factor about this effort, but I cannot quite put my finger on it.
Sometimes I feel modern music has run firmly out of ideas.
Felix Da Housecat, Fatboy Slim, Carola, 7KY – Funk Drunk
Ah, some names I’ve heard of (Felix, Fatboy) and some I haven’t (the rest). The heatwave – I mean summer – has firmly kicked in here in England. This cracking little ditty hits that sweet spot of brilliance where you just know something is good.
Of course, having Felix and Fatboy on board, I just knew it would be good. And yes, I know we all judge books by their covers, but that is the way life is.
A toe-tapping old school ditty which pleases and thrills my ageing ears. Sometimes all you need is your toes a tapping a spring in your step. The throbbing bass is astonishing.
Class is permanent.
Smokey Bubblin’ B, MC Vapour – Bass Provider
For once, I absolutely love the ridiculous names. They work for me. But, what of the music I don’t hear you scream?
Oh yeah, this is excellent. A bit daft, a bit tomfoolery even. But, this would sound magnificent blasted out the car on a hot day.
MC Vapour just bellows “bass provider” a lot. It does really work. Lots of interesting things going on.
The middle bit is thrilling. Completely hatstand. Which is why I love stuff like this even though I’m far from the target market!
If I could drag myself away from the new stones album, I might just have done that. Great, but not quite great enough to get that most impressive of accolades…
Being blasted out in the car on my daily commute. But, it’s not far off.
More important than a Brit Award, trust me.
Suki Waterhouse – Notting Hill
This is exactly what there is not enough of in the music industry. Female singers who act all seductive and sultry. Thankfully, Ms Waterhouse is on hand to provide that gap.
Another one to file under, not bad but not great either. However, this could probably grow with a few listens.
Many music in my life has been dismissed first play, only to slowly fall in love with later down the line.
Given the nature of how modern music works, with so many artists vying for attention, you have to be outstanding to the individual to get attention.
Things were easier back in the day. I do like this, but not enough for the artist to fully get my attention. Which is the critical factor these days.
Back to the stones!
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