After The Noise
Everything Is Equal
Friday 15 May 2026
December 10 – Infinity (123)
We are told never to judge books by covers, yet that is exactly what human nature does. This is an impressive effort. Not only a terrible band name, but a terrible song title too. A difficult trick to master. Houdini himself would be impressed.
From the opening squeezed vocoder screech, it’s immediately obvious December 10 are heavily influenced by heavyweight boy bands such as NKOTB and the Back Passage, sorry, Backstreet Boys. Or at least the people attempting to squeeze money from this sort of thing are.
Those grating vocals, tiny drum rolls and lyrics about wasting no time have all been heard countless times before. Hearing it recycled once more doesn’t exactly thrill.
And if you don’t have the talents of Jordan Knight or a Donnie (ain’t playing) Wahlberg figure somewhere in your ranks, you’re probably doomed from the outset.
The best thing about this is the mercifully brief running time of two minutes and nineteen seconds.
Next!!!
Killen – Stay Like This Forever
The immediate disappointment is I expected a terrifying metal band of doom and instead got more vocoder vocals.
Not my day.
Killen is one bloke and, whilst nowhere near as irritating as December 10, this still doesn’t quite land. There’s certainly more sophistication and the tune itself is significantly more of a toe-tapper.
Those little drum rolls which annoyed me previously actually work quite nicely here, but there’s still something oddly flat about the whole thing. The frustrating part is I can’t quite pinpoint why.
Blair Davie – So What?
This is getting ridiculous now. Is Spotify taunting me because I dared to listen to Charli XCX’s new effort earlier this week.
Another similar sounding song drifting in through the Spotify fog. Vocoders, little drum licks, vague emotional lyrics. Is this genuinely where pop music sits in 2026?
“You might reach the stars, you might break my heart,” croons Mr Davie over a backdrop of wonderfully mediocre lyrics. Morrissey won’t be losing too much sleep.
To be fair, this is perfectly pleasant. That much is undeniable. Blair Davie has somehow managed to sound even flatter than Killen, which is almost impressive in itself.
So What? Is an apt title. But, not in an Anti-Nowhere League kind of way.
The Avalanches, Nikki Nair, Jessy Lanza, Prentiss – Together
Finally, somebody I’ve heard of. Can I have my prize?
I listened to Since I Left You a lot back in the day. Yet, barely remember any of it. Proof that quirky drums and odd samples can genuinely work when handled properly.
The opening here is promising enough. The bleeps are excellent. Then the vocals arrive.
Unfortunately, they land somewhere between a sensible version of Björk and whoever sings the Sesame Street theme tune.
By the two-minute mark, I’d heard the word “together” quite enough for one lifetime.
Disturbingly, I then discover there are three featured vocalists involved. If God truly exists, I hope I never encounter them individually. I think we can safely say that Nair, Lanza and Prentiss are not going to be the new Three Tenors.
More cracking lyrics too:
“We’ll be together forever and forever.”
That one probably took all afternoon.
I always said I preferred The Avalanches’ early stuff.
Night Manoeuvres, Sarah Nimmo – Visions
You know what modern pop desperately needs? More dance collaborations assembled by collections of vocoder-loving “artists”.
Thankfully, Night Manoeuvres are here to answer the call.
Although to be fair, this is merely a duo rather than an entire football squad of producers and featured guests.
The Spotify write-up is magnificent. Arguably far more entertaining than the music itself.
In the red corner we have ABSOLUTE, described as a “veteran dancefloor architect”, which essentially translates as “older bloke who fiddles with knobs”.
In the blue corner stands multi-instrumentalist Dot Major of London Grammar, a group I’ve heard of but somehow successfully avoided listening to.
The promotional write-up genuinely deserves an award:
“sonic aesthetic”
“symbiotic fusion”
“expansive skillsets”
“pulse-racing basslines”
“stone-cold hits”
And naturally we are reminded that Dot Major is “classically trained”, because modern music bios cannot survive without at least one phrase designed to impress people who still own copies of Mojo magazine.
All jovial japing aside, this is… alright.
Not offensive. Not thrilling either.
The strange thing is that after reading the write-up, the actual music feels almost secondary. You start becoming more interested in the absurd language surrounding it than the product itself.
Because for all the triumphant PR fanfare, this still sounds like it was assembled on a slightly dodgy Windows 7 music programme where the primary skill involves locating the correct preset sounds.
Somewhere amongst all this sits a featuring credit for Sarah Nimmo. I sincerely hope she’s related to Derek Nimmo, although I suspect she probably isn’t.
The singing sounds male to my ageing ears, so I remain uncertain what mysterious role Sarah is performing within this sonic masterpiece. Tea and digestive duties perhaps, which would admittedly be deeply unfair of me.
And after all that build-up, we end up with lyrics about visions and oceans drifting through vocoder effects.
Honestly, by this point I was more interested in trying to work out what Sarah Nimmo does and unpicking the promotional write-up than the music itself.
Working out what a stone-cold hit is will keep me awake tonight.
Which says everything.
END OF LISTENING LOG
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