Christmas music is chaos with tinsel on it, but underneath the sleigh bells and fake snow there are rules.
Unwritten laws.
Sacred traditions that no one agreed to, yet every artist quietly obeys.
You don’t see them written down anywhere. But once you’ve noticed them, you can’t unsee them.
Let’s have a look at the weird rules of Christmas music nobody talks about.
🎧 Rule 1: Sleigh Bells = Instant Christmas
This is the most powerful cheat code in music.
Take literally any song.
Add sleigh bells.
Instant Christmas.
It doesn’t matter what the lyrics are about:
- heartbreak
- existential dread
- a car advert
- your tax return
If there are sleigh bells in the background, your brain goes:
“Ah yes, festive.”
I’m convinced some producers have a big red “XMAS” button in the studio.
Track not quite working?
Hit the button.
On come the sleigh bells. Problem solved.
“Stop the Cavalry” – Jona Lewie (1980)
Not a Christmas song.
Not written as one.
It’s an anti-war track.
But because it includes sleigh bells and radio programmers have no self-control…
and the line, “wish I could be home for Christmas”
We now treat it like a festive anthem.
🎄 Rule 2: The Key Change Must Be Ridiculous
Christmas key changes are not subtle.
This is not a tasteful gear shift.
This is being dragged up a melodic hill in a glittery wheelbarrow while a choir of children shout the last chorus in your face.
Non-Christmas pop songs sometimes sneak in a key change like they’re hoping nobody notices.
Christmas songs? They announce it.
You can almost hear the producer saying:
“Right, this is the bit where Nan stands up in the living room.”
🎄 ⭐ “Merry Christmas Everyone” – Shakin’ Stevens
Underrated key change!
It’s so cheesy and so bright you almost expect tinsel to burst out of your speakers.
🎁 Rule 4: No One Knows Any of the Verses
We all pretend we do. We absolutely do not.
Try singing any Christmas classic beyond the first verse:
- Carols? Forget it.
- Fairytale of New York? You get as far as “You scumbag, you maggot…” and start mumbling.
- I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday? Solid on the chorus, chaos everywhere else.
Most of us operate on a chorus-only licence.
We stand there, drink in hand, confidently waiting for the bit we know, then bellow it 30% too loud to prove we’re “into the spirit of things”.
🎄 ⭐“Step Into Christmas” – Elton John
Elton is huge.
The chorus is in the national bloodstream.
But the verses?
You’re lucky if you get three consecutive words right.
Everyone just vibes until the keyboards go full 1970s glitter explosion again.
🌟 Rule 5: The Video Must Include At Least One of the Following
Christmas videos follow strict visual regulations. You must have:
- Fake snow, even if you filmed it in July
- At least one cosy jumper that would fail every health and safety rule near open flames
- A shot of the band looking meaningfully at a Christmas tree
- A log fire
Multiply these by three if it’s an ’80s video. Watch the example closely!
🎄 “Last Christmas” – WHAM!
🍷 Rule 6: You’re Allowed to Be Extra Sentimental (Just This Once)
The unwritten deal with Christmas music is this:
“You’re allowed to be embarrassingly sincere for one month. We won’t make fun of you until January.”
The rest of the year, we’re allergic to sentiment.
We hide behind irony and playlists called things like Sunday Doomscroll.
But December?
We’re suddenly fine with choirs, strings, massive choruses, lyrics about coming home, forgiveness, and all that “peace on earth” business.
Even the most cynical listeners crack a little when the right song hits at the right moment. (Usually after the second mulled wine.)
🎄 “Lonely This Christmas” – Mud
This is Elvis-level heartbreak dressed in tinsel.
It’s slow.
It’s dramatic.
It’s dripping in sentimentality.
You wouldn’t accept this from Mud in any other context — but in December?
We allow it.
We even embrace it.
🎧 Rule 8: Overexposure Is Part of the Tradition
We all complain that Christmas songs are overplayed – and they absolutely are.
But secretly, that’s part of the fun.
It wouldn’t feel like December if you didn’t hear:
- Last Christmas in every supermarket
- Merry Xmas Everybody at a volume you could register from space
- All I Want For Christmas Is You blasted out of a Bluetooth speaker someone got on Black Friday
These songs are less “tracks” and more seasonal weather.
They roll in around mid-November, hang around too long, and then disappear all at once.
We moan.
We roll our eyes.
We join in anyway.
⭐ “All I Want For Christmas Is You” – Mariah Carey
It starts playing in mid-November whether you’re ready or not.
By early December it’s everywhere:
supermarkets, cafés, TikTok, taxis, the gym, your neighbour’s Alexa, your own brain at 3am.
🎼 Rule 9: You’ll Miss It When It’s Gone
The weirdest rule of all?
On 26 December, most of us want it gone.
By New Year, we never want to hear another sleigh bell again.
And then, without fail, there’s a moment the following November where we hear the first Christmas song of the season and think:
“Oh go on then.”
Because for all the repetition, the chaos, the nonsense and the novelty records…
Christmas music is one of the few things that feels the same every year, even when everything else doesn’t.
And that’s oddly comforting.
🎄 The Rules Make the Madness Work
Christmas music isn’t just a random pile of songs.
It’s a weird little universe with its own logic, its own clichés, and its own unwritten rules.
We might pretend to be above it.
But every year, like clockwork, we step back into it.
Sleigh bells, key changes, dodgy jumpers and all.
The Listening Log 
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